Project 07

Before I lose track of it, here's my list of projects for this year:

• Repair bike
• Found food-coop
  
• Prepare and give seminar on theoretical and empirical political utopia
• Prepare a research concept for my final thesis
• Read and learn more about qualitative research/ Grounded theory
• Get back into photography
• Work with Project Class professors on the publication of some of the Project papers
• Get butter and milk
• Organise and enjoy Four Months of Liberty (June - September)
• Decide on meaning and purpose of the solidarity economy working group

I need to make a time line which I'd hang on the wall and then plan all sorts of Smaller Tasks to get these projects started. Action.

Except yours

I spent all of yesterday afternoon at my institute's library reading John Burnheim's practical proposal to reform parliamentarism towards anarchism via what he calls Demarchy (meaning more participative and less bureaucratic government structures). He is on the programme of my interesting class on Demokratietheorie and I'm glad I took this class this semester with this professor - one of the last to present himself as belonging to the marxist-hegelian tradition. The texts we have are often very close to Utopian thinking - in the sense that thinkers, authors, tried to make proposals for political structures to offer "real" democracy, as opposed to the Parliamentary Elitocracy or Oligarchy.

I keep being bothered by that one line my ex boss said back in November when I told her about this class (she'd asked me what I was doing this semester). "Nah this is where we see how far from reality theory can be..." If there is one area where theory has a visible and direct impact, it is the thinking of institutions and the organisation of society. Where do our constitutions come from? I was too baffled by her remark to react appropriately and thus keep the remorse of not having helped her develop a more open and creative conception of "Democracy".

I took a break from my reading, note taking and thinking, and went upstairs to the cafeteria for a coffee. It turned out I didn't have enough money on my cafeteria card, nor were the 50 cents left in my pocket sufficient to cover the coffee. The lady hesitated but seeing as there was little she could do with the coffee, she told me to be careful next time and let me go. I put on my Most Embarrassed Face and thanked.

I chatted with two guys who were in my project class last year. One is now unenthusiastically writing his final thesis and can't wait to start working "and get some money". He agreed that most of the careers we aimed for were solely based on social status, and I said I had abandonned all interests in that and didn't want to have a job. They looked at me funnily and said I'd have to find a way of financing myself though. I gave the example of Longo Mai, and the more silent guy eventually said that was the sort of thing he could imagine doing too. The first one said it did sound ideal, but experiments weren't his thing. "Growing up in East Germany was enough in terms of experiment for me". I found that a weird conception of "experiment" (isn't our present system also an experiment?) but said I could understand that not everybody wanted that sort of lifestyle.

We got to talk about our Project papers. I couldn't really remember what they had chosen as topics, nor could they remember what the other one had done. Both excused themselves by saying there'd been so many presentations of research projects that they really couldn't remember any of them. Then they both looked at me and said "actually, except yours". They'd found it'd sounded so concrete, well done and interesting, and I'd shown so much enthusiasm, that they had been both impressed. I was flattered. No need to immediately mention the fact that the paper didn't exactly turn out how I'd planned.

compulsive book buying

I'm starting to understand Mister K's obsession with buying books. I've bought more books or thought more about buying books this semester than in any other semester - although compared to others it's still nothing. In any case, I don't seem to be satisfied anymore with the act of borrowing a book from the library. I want to have the author, his ideas, the argumentation, the wealth of inspiring sentences with me, there, available.
Yesterday evening in the U-Bahn Lotte found me on the platform. I can use her name because I'm not even sure I remember it correctly. We had a class together two or three years ago, development theory, and she was one of the leading speakers and arguers in this course. She could juggle with the ideas of several philosophers I hadn't read and for the most part still haven't read and make clear, precise and complex arguments. I was impressed. I often am.
In any case, since then I had seen her only once in the U-Bahn with another friendly student I know, and we'd chatted a bit. I don't have any problems now with chatting with people who are far more advanced than I am in their reading and thinking. I've made enough progress in the past months. And now I feel much more communicative when I know I share some general critical left consensus with someone.
In any case, we started chatting about democracy, emancipation, left wingness, the relevance or not of political structures, and she said I should definitely read Holloway's Change the World without taking power. I've already read articles of his and his name kept coming up in promising contexts. So I decided now was the time to actually get it.
And to kill two flies, I also wanted to step into the Schwarze Risse bookshop which I'd never gone to. I usually go to Oh21, another Indie bookshop in Kreuzberg, but I often feel that their selection of books, though interesting, is too limited. Schwarze Risse is located at the back of a double courtyard that is home to all sorts of left wing projects, including an indy bar and the offices of organisations for migrants, women, queers etc. The bookshop wasn't disappointing - it reminded me of the one Mister K and I spent hours in in Vienna on the central square - and I spent about a half hour looking through some of their sections. I didn't find anything on utopia but took the Holloway with me.
Need to build up a new set of shelves somewhere.

Segolene, Hillary and Participation

One could write a nice little paper on gender and theories of democracy with the material produced by Segolene and Hillary and their insistance on framing their campaign as a dialogue with the nation's people.
I'm not going to write that paper though. Instead, I'll draw a cartoon. Or read yellow books. Or make soup.

Turn left

I went to a podium discussion tonight at the Latin America Institute with extra-parliamentary German academic idole Uli Brand and a woman I'd never heard of before, Juliana Ströbele-Gregor. She is more into details, he's into concepts. The discussion was on "left" wing movements in Latin America between State and emancipation. There were all sorts of thoughts and ideas that I found interesting, but one question suddenly jumped up to the front of my continuous string of questions floating in my head:

How do people become left wing?

And by left wing, I don't mean institution-loving socialdemocrats, nor do I mean pessimist frustrated authoritarian revolution-loving left intellectuals. I mean experimentierfreudige people geared towards emancipation, solidarity, openness, and generally believing in the creative potential of humans to build an alternative, a better society.
Another one of those biographical socio-psychological political questions I keep having. Suggestions welcome.

my boyfriend

makes me laugh and smile.
But I know it's not really "thugs" who "forced" him to go to a bar tonight, not really "thugs" who "forced" him to buy various east coast magazines over the course of his life. He's much too mighty and strong and imposing and Big And Important for thugs to even consider approaching him with evil thoughts.
So I wonder what the real explanation is...

why I don't like the word "sustainable"

And again for our French speakers out there, here are brilliant examples of what the concept of "sustainable development" stands for - or what people think it can stand for - and why I feel so unhappy using it.

of voluntary simplicity

My mood varies according to what sort of person I dialogue with. Dialogue and communication has become a central feature of my development, and conversations with people who share some of my ideals give me strength, while conversations with others leave me frustrated, feeling caged up. I feel more idealist, more radical, less patient with those who haven't reached this point in their thinking, longing for practical actions building an alternative, longing for those social networks that will give me the energy to do so.
It was good to meet up with M. again after the christmas break. I saw her on Monday evening, Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday afternoon and we had long conversations each time. We have now reached the friendship stage and we share so many conceptions of what we want our life to be that it's always heart warming to talk with her. She and a flatmate of hers have decided to launch their Project 2015 which would involve building up a linked town-countryside community. I said I'm in. She lent me all her books on Utopia research and alternative community. I like the fact that we have one book in our communal property - the history of Longo Mai we got at Ulenkrug.

Cooking dinner yesterday with psychology-student C. also reinforced my optimism. She is also a utopist who believes in alternatives to most widespread conceptions of what "normal life" is. She was enthusiastic about the idea of my seminar on political utopia, and we talked about it for a while. She thought part of it could be used as a creative workshop to let students define what their own utopia is. I find the idea interesting as it would fit in the progression of my plan - What theorists thoughts, what practicioners did, what do you want to do? It would be too much to have a whole creative session, but I'll keep the idea in mind. We discussed the theory aspect for a while, and she also reckoned the context in which utopias were developed was definitely important to be able to compare with our present situation. Unfortunately she probably won't be here next winter. I would like to get all sorts of people involved in this project, create a real dynamic around it, at least have them prepare bits of it with me. Mister Big and Important's expertise in intellectual history and linking ideas across disciplines would definitely enrich the theory part.

Sharing a belief in the possibility of creating one's own utopia isn't the only link I've found that keeps me interested in talking with people these days though. Last weekend at Sweet A's party I talked for a while with her school friend M2. [using only the initial of names to keep everyone's anonymity is probably more confusing than anything. Perhaps I should just start making up other names.] M2 isn't an explicit utopist although she does long for something other than a life spent working one's self to death for a boss. But what we most strongly shared was a common attraction for self-made everyday goods - the satisfaction one gets from eating or using something one produced. I don't really understand why it seems to senseless and ridiculous to most people. In turn, I don't understand why the idea of sitting in an office producing reports that serve no purpose for society doesn't appear absurd, ridiculous and senseless to most people. It's not that I don't think labour repartition is a good thing - it's more that I don't see the point in producing goods that do not cover anybody's real needs. And also that I don't want to specialise and have only one profession for the rest of my life. I want to be a farmer, a carpenter, a researcher, an architect, a photographer, a thinker, a traveler, an educator, a musician...

Of course, one person's Real Needs and priorities are different from another's and I'm not hoping that everybody will suddenly think "Hey cool man, let's live in the countryside and produce most of what we need!". But I do find it important that everybody sees what priorities and principles they have, and what is really important to them - and start making steps towards living accordingly. I can accept a certain amount of what others would call 'deprivation' (no tomatoes all year round! No goods that have traveled half the world? As little prepacked and overpacked goods as possible - not supporting supermarkets and big chains - ...) because to me they are not deprivations but logical consequences of my priorities - to live as little as possible off the unnecessary exploitation of others and of the environment. However, I've always felt that voluntary simplicity and partial self-sufficiency had a certain charm, even before I had any explicit political principles. I wonder where it comes from.
Here's an interesting link to keep those french speakers around occupied (thanks to my old friend Xa for mentioning the movement to me a few years ago).

"And what would YOU like to do later?"

Today in my colloquium one of our profs gave us a small presentation of the options chosen by my institute's graduates to finance their living. The list of sectors and jobs compared numbers put together in 1994 with a new study presently under work. It contained a few surprises, 4 politologues being listed as taxi drivers in 1994 while one was a Life Artist and another a vicar. Still, for the most part, all was expected: a large part go into research and remain in academia, a large part work in journalism, and the rest is scattered between political parties, trade unions, political education, industry and lobbying.
After we'd gone through this list, the professor giving the presentation asked us what ideas we had for our career. I looked at my neighbour anxiously and whispered "but I don't want a career!". She laughed. As my turn came, I quickly said that I didn't want to have a job and was thus passing over my turn to my neighbour. The other students looked at me with a mixture of confusion and amusement.

Berlin, first week of the year

I always forget the special state of Berlin during the first week of the year. As I walked from the U-Bahn station to my flat, pulling my small bag, I had to dodge around large brown patches on the pavement. I thought at first that all the dogs in the neighbourhood had had the runs over the past couple of days. In fact they were bits of cardboard half disintegrated by the rain and left over from the fire works and shooting that took place on New Year's. Always good to realise one missed this particularly loud and smoky night of festivities in Berlin.
The other adornment of the pavement at this time of the year is abandonned christmas trees. I don't think it's quite legal, but people obviously don't want to bother with their trees once they've lost interest in them. Piles of them lie on the side of the road. During the rest of the year, we get piles of computer screens, dead babies, car parts and statues of Napoleon.

Swarms of immigrants

Yesterday evening I spent a little while searching the internet to find documents from organisations who combat the ramping anti-immigrant sentiments that seem to plague Britain. I wasn't sure whether I should try to find hints and tips on how to discuss these sentiments with a somewhat racist person who can actually discuss them; or simply find some documents that would bring a bit of light into the darkness of such ideas as "The National Health Service spends all our money on immigrants who don't even pay into the system".
As I couldn't find any pedagogical help, I eventually went for the second option. There's tonnes out there, and it shows that Britain really has a deep deep misperception problem when it comes to the category "Immigrants". "Immigrants" is basically used as a synonym for "asylum-seekers" which itself is often used a synonym for "Illegal immigrants". However, it seems to only include people who are visibly "different" - of darker skin, non west-Europeans. The Australians, for instance, who often overstay their visa and remain in the country undocumented for a while, are never talked about as "Illegal Immigrants".
In any case, the documents I first found were interesting articles but I guess that Grandmama would not approve of the sources - a little too revolutionary and fourth International for her taste, I suspected. Eventually I found two nice texts: one is a leaflet provided by the UK National Assembly Against Racism and deconstructing the myths linked to asylum seekers (pdf); the other is an essay written by Kenan Malik, myths of the stranger at the gate. It got published in the Times in 2005, which seems like an acceptable enough reference, and focuses more on immigrants in general. So I printed those two off and gave them to her. She promised she would read them seriously and accepted the fact that I wanted her to put her ideas into question. She seemed to react positively especially to the NAAR leaflet that has a clear, easily readable presentation.
Couldn't do that with my French grandmother... so there's hope.

Antifa

Lovely dinner tonight provided by my father's cousin's son's wife, or alternatively (to simplify a bit) by my grandmother's sister's daughter's son's wife. In any case, the wife en question is Thai and cooks delicious Thai food in indecently large quantities. Sat around the table was the whole family set available in the region plus an old friend of my great-cousin, which made 11 of us with the two little ones. All went well until grandmother and the Old Friend started discussing the "Immigrant Problem". Grandmother pointed at me and said - no, rather, anxiously whispered - that this was a big subject of disagreement. I was talking with somebody else when I caught that from the corner of my ear and decided to leave the table in protest. It was cold in the vestibule where I ended up and I didn't think my political gesture was being taken duly note of so I went back, walked straight to Grandmother and stated as bluntly as I could that she had to make sure she realised that voting for the BNP was voting for a neo-nazi party. The wine probably helped; we didn't end up in a big heated exchange of words again, although I was bordering OverEmotion. As I do. The dialogue developed in a way which, I hope, started to deconstruct her perception of all social problems being the result of immigrant presence. Eventually she had to realise that her son, her daughter and her granddaughter are all migrants - and a lot of Germans could begrudge my presence in Germany, as they are paying for my university education (Thank you, tax payers of Germany!). She couldn't put the picture of her granddaughter and the picture she had of immigrants in Britain on the same footing ("No but you are providing skills they don't have!" "I'm not really... And immigrants here take up jobs that people in the country are not willing or able to take too..." "no but...") but I could see that certain things started ticking in her head. Great-cousin incidently provided another piece of information, stating that billions of the National Health Service's money were going into trials defending doctors against patients or paying damages for ridiculous cases. Grandmother had held to her belief that most of money was going to immigrants. I believe she will start reconsidering this idea. She eventually stated she didn't really want to vote for the BNP, but she was desperate and didn't know who to vote for and wanted to send a message. "An antisemitic message, a message of hatred and exclusion?" I asked. She had had two glasses of white wine and was a bit inebriated. I'm hoping she will still remember some of the discussion later on. I felt better after the whole discussion - not because I had the feeling I'd won an argument or anything. But because I once again felt caught within a process - the process of learning to know people, learning to dialogue with people - rather than sticking to the static perception of "SoAndSo is a wannabe fascist".
When we got back home, Grandmama suddenly said "It's just dawned on me that we're immigrant. My grandfather was a Pole."
I smiled. I was keeping this point for later, but I didn't need to mention it anymore.

Looking down on freedom

But what exactly would you like to do?, Grandmama asked, insisting on the would.
I don't understand why it is so difficult to frame the desire to live according to one's rhythm and to create as much freedom for one's self in a way that doesn't immediately get associated with the negatively connotated "Drop Out". The familiar status provided by a salary (regardless of the level of happiness the job and/or money provide) will continue to seem much more acceptable and comprehensible to her. Not that she expressed any disaproval of my description of the community that I find so inspiring - she actually fell asleep. B. asked a few questions and, being a lone antisocial at heart, found the aspects touching upon independance and self-sufficiency appealing. The whole "community" aspect, less, I guess.
Obviously, knowing only people who follow the path of job-founding family-get house has an influence on the ability to imagine other forms of life styles. Most of all, on the ability to believe that these can actually be successful. "Everybody does it that way. If there were other ways, we'd know about it." It's a normal reaction, and I shouldn't be too surprised about it, because I had similar thoughts before I actually experienced and saw what alternatives could be.
I think a good documentary on other forms of life organisation would be in order. We need some manipulation of feelings a la Rorty...