We are family

I tend to forget I'm not invisible when I'm with more than one member of my family at a time. It happens in other social circumstances as well - I often am too uninterested or unopinionated to even consider getting out of the observer role and add a sentence here or a comment there. With family, it's probably more intense than in other gatherings. I come as a visitor, an outsider, and observe the family subjects in their natural environment. I assume that the way they interact during my observations is their usual way of interacting. That their dialogues are their usual dialogues. This is reinforced by my strong suspicion that in England more than anywhere else, dialogues between two people will follow a set pattern, rules laid out years ago and only slightly changed by time. And me in the middle, or on the back seat of the car, or somewhere at the dinner table - thinking I'm invisible.

What particularly strikes me is the simple materialist filter with which a lot of the people gathered around the family table interpret their world. The term "success" is conceded as a prize to define somebody's life if theirs can be describe in simple terms - married, bought a house, is now a doctor/ works in a lawyer's office. People become ecstatic because they get a designer handbag for Christmas. People have "dream cars" or "dream phones". The meaning of their lives and their emotions revolve around material goods. There's no wondering whence these goods come from, how they were produced, and what function, both personal and social, they fulfil. They are there, or they could be there if there was money, and that's all that matters.

In keeping with this materialism, political positions expressed casually have a definite conservative touch, often even a hint of easy fascism. Is it the Brits, is it just these people, is it rural northern England that has a higher degree of socially acceptable fascism than I'm used to? Migrants are criminals, the borders should be closed, strong unions are bad for the economy, and there are enough muslims in this country as it is. What do I do? I try to show the weakness of the argument, but I know I'm not eloquent enough for the fight, so I go back to invisible mode. These are the "normal" people. They have their own priorities for their lives. And yes, they are comforting. They comfort me in my decision not to aim for anything they have. House, Family, Salary.

I do have the feeling I'm in a particularly radical phase of rejection. It might change and milden with time, but considering I've been entering this phase for the last three years, I have the feeling it won't. Meaning: I will eventually be comfortable with people having unidealistic life priorities. But that hopefully won't stop me from attempting not to compromise with my ideals of a more open, more equal and more "sustainable"* society.

*terrible word, that is. Lost all its meaning. I need to find another one.