Deconstructing my identity, reconstructing the meaning of life

I find it disturbing that I can be so attracted to the language of constructivist sociology and at the same time despise its total abstractness. I despise first, enjoy second. I read and feel something vibrating in me with excitement, some little voice squeaking "yeeha, that's the truth of it all!" while the rest of my body struggles to scrape any meaning from the texts. Could it be that my sub-brain is cleverer than the rest?
It resonates in part because I admire the skills with which social scientists juggle with language in order to give the impression of meaning. The skill to meaningfullly express and thus effectively hide vacuousness.
I also relate to it because it is connected to my first academic interest, linguistics, and one theory of linguistics in particular - the first theory to get me excited for academic research - that regarded language as a filter through which we perceive (part of) the world. The Sapir-Wolf hypothesis has long been discredited - I was sorry to find that out during my first year at uni - but continues to play a role in shaping the questions which guide my learning process. Perceptions, interpretations - and ultimately their impact on political action.

As my interests move further away from institutions as a subject matter of political science, so do my ideas of my future. Closed-off institutions, be they State or other, repulse me. I drift away from the urban concept of career, life and happiness. I am repelled by words like Leistung and Zielstrebigkeit. Or even work.
To put it in this lovely identity-theory jargon: I have deconstructed my identity as a potential member of Europe's protected urban elite and am gradually consciously defining myself anew to give my life meaning, guided by conceptual categories (for the most part rough dichotomies along the lines of city/countryside, meaningless/meaningful, illusions/reality, delusion/ clarity) that help me interpret and respond to the world. (I'm still not very good at naturally juggling with social science talk.)

I recently read about the Travelling School of Life and find the concept appealing. I have developped a need for grounded, concrete knowledge, skills that can enhance a community. I was amazed by the many people at the Longo Mai commune in Forcalquier learning from others throughout the region, or even Europe, e.g. the skills to make goat's cheese, or special honey, grow certain seeds, build houses from natural material or according to traditional techniques etc. The commune was a node in a lively network of knowledge, a thriving place of life learning, learning that could be put to productive use for the good of the community, keeping knowledge alive and ready for diffusion.

Although I do not necessarily think I would feel good in this already tight community, life in such settings appeared to me more meaningful than in the city.