Adding Insult to Flattery

I walked to work on Thursday morning accompanied by an ego-shattering black hole. I had just seen a teacher to discuss an old paper and get my credits and grade. Her dryness when giving comments and remarks made me uncomfortable, and as I remembered some of the things I'd written, I wondered how I had stooped down so low. I suddenly felt incapable of writing brilliant papers, and though she'd given me a "Good" mark (B), I seemed to realise how ridiculous it was for me to attempt to get into an intellectual path. Analytical and abstract thinking appeared out of reach of my brain capacities, the black hole was getting bigger in my stomach, my legs were confused by the contradicting orders they were receiving.

"run away!" - "roll up in a little ball!" - "just walk to work, ok?"

I got to work and walked up and down the corridor with drooping shoulders, ignoring my co-workers. When I eventually went up to Coco and Messy M. in the reception area while the boss' secretary wasn't around, I told them with a flat voice about my despair, my inability to write a paper, come up with research questions, and be generally intellectually productive as well as my desire to just drop everything and run. I then droopily went back to my office to face a report I had felt unable to write for the past month. Expanding black hole.
Chatterbox N., my researcher, then came in, quickly glanced at what I'd done, changed a few minor points, told me a little more about what she felt needed to be in it, and emphatically expressed her satisfaction with my work. I felt a little better about the report.
Mister Big&Important replied to my depressed email at length and spared no efforts to convince me my mood was thoroughly unjustified, and that, in addition, I was loved. Contracting black hole. Later on, Coco walked to my desk with a pudding, soon after which Messy M., who has no money and is usually happy to nick food off people, stuck a large chocolate bar in my hands with a sympathetic smile, saying I had to be in a good mood now. He turned to Popular R., who had spent all his time playfully insulting me, and instructed him to be extra-nice to me today. All this attention and kindness was heart-warming, and at the same time I felt very ashamed of myself for emphasising my bad mood and feeling so low, basically because of a "Good" grade (as opposed to "Very good").
My ego received a further boost as Chatterbox N. told me that Authoritarian Boss had apparently asked her to try convince me to stay at the institute after my studies. Although I naturally feel very flattered by this, the compliment has its ironic side. I've spent the last four months criticising Authoritarian Boss, the way the institute was run, the quality and meaning of the work we do, and rejecting the technocrats' circles we evolve in, especially the European Union level ones. Having the possibility to start working there immediately after my studies looks more like a dangerous trap than a golden door. It's sort of sad to think I would fit in.