rhythm, smiles, intellectual contemplation

I should have gone off to Ulenkrug for four days, but instead decided to stay in the city to work with all the comments I received on Tuesday while they were still fresh in my head. I presented my draft concept for my final thesis in the colloquium and though I wasn't as ready as I would have liked, it went "well" - "well" in the sense that I got a lot of critical remarks that brought my attention back to the key questions, yet I still have the impression that many people found my idea interesting. I remained calm and confident the whole time, though I had the feeling I couldn't formulate the thesis and ideas very clearly. It was good I'd invited a few friends to come along and give me support. After the colloquium, the prof I want to have as supervisor asked if I'd come along to the Italian restaurant where the three teachers and some of the (doctoral) students gather every week. I had never gone along but decided that exceptionnally I would. Oh the lovely world of academia - bitching about other profs, struggling to fight against back door politics... A world I would never want to enter and be part of, even if I could picture myself enjoying spending all my days sitting and staring at a computer. But all the same, I got some good remarks from my potential prof. And I didn't pretend that I fitted into their world - which would have been difficult on a pure esthetical level anyway, what with my traveller's habit of wearing a peasant's headscarf to keep my hair out of my face and hide them when they're dirty.

Unfortunately, on the four days I usually keep for intellectual work, I remained unable to concentrate much. I'd spend all of last week's four intellectual days reading and thinking and reading more, and I probably reached a point where I just couldnt' compute anymore. So I should have gone off to Ulenkrug and enjoy being on the farm with all and sundry people.
Nevermind - instead I decided to engage in severe clean up, which I hadn't done since my return and was starting to become Very Necessary - especially as I probably get a visitor for a few days next week. My Viennese friend [S] said he would come to relax from his whole final thesis phase - which he's now handed in. I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

I probably AM going to stay in Berlin until December 2008 - to make the writing process of my final thesis less stressful and compact. If I manage to find another way of financing myself, I'm ok with that - although I do regularly long for the freedom of travels. I've managed to create a little nest of a network here with lots of people whom I value as individuals and I know value me too - a web of warm trust. One year in this web while dealing with my final intellectual quest - the question of the construction of legitimacy - is a good prospect. As ever, feeling privileged.

I've gotten into body percussion, and it seems I end up teaching my rhythms to every new person I meet. It's more fun than talking about their job.