Trip Diary Extracts - August (cont.)

09 August, Ferme du Meot

The Stage de desobeissance civile had interesting moments but wasn't exactly what I expected. It equated desobeissance civile with mediatic action, geared primarily towards the press. It seems reductionist to me, though I'm having troubles conceptualising a version of civil desobediance that would not be aimed at media. I am definitely not interested in acting to get media attention - so what do I want and look for in the concept of civil desobediance? It's difficult to say / ignoring state rules that I disagree with, following a certain set of principles - but to change what?
The media-focused activists are definitely not my 'family' - but how do I want to define my political practice? Not through "actions" but through direct organising (like the network for non-commercial agriculture)?


13 August, Zierenberg, near Kassel

Welcome in l'Allemagne de l'ouest profonde et moyenne. Landed in a terrible camping near Kassel (very centre of Germany) with Camille and his friend Antoine. We drove yesterday from Paris and I decided to stay with them one day to have time to warn Haina of my arrival, and also to not jump too (!) quickly from situation to situation.

Leaving the Journees d'ete wasn't easy. I nearly didn't leave. My gut feeling was against it. And wouldn't have left if I hadn't already told Cam I was coming along with them on 12 August (they otherwise would have had to share the costs among 3 instead of 4, and it wouldn't have been fair from me to drop the plan at the last minute). I didn't feel like leaving the journees d'ete because it's easier to leave once all is taken down - see people leave gradually. Much softer to be the last to leave. Ah well. I made friends. I'm not sure when I'll see any of them again, but I will. [...] I learned about anti-nuclear struggles in Brittany and France. I got to think about consensus and interactions again. I got to think about the meaning I want to find in political action.

But now - back in Germany and not ready for the change. Not sure how I feel about going back to Haina.


14 August

We walked around Kassel and spent the evening at the Documenta exhibition yesterday. Tiring and weird to be a tourist in the middle of tourists. The documenta made me confirm to myself that I don't appreciate modern art. A lot of the stuff had a political message but I didn't feel that the piece in itself enabled a reflexion process - only the textes written to give some context did. One thing Nadege (camille's friend) said resonated in me - that this type of art was not made for contemplation - unlike older stuff or some other types of painting. And I like art when I can contemplate it - spend a while in front of itm enjoying details and finding more to look at.

Called Haina yesterday - karin answered. She said I was welcome - basically. I didn't spend much time on the phone and felt afterwards I should have asked more if it's really alright for me to come. I still don't really know how I'll get there. It's difficult to hitch there because niether Haina nor the nearby villages are on my map. It makes orientation and trip planning difficult. So I could take the train either from Kassel or Eisenach. Or I could let Camille drive me there - though once again unsure of the road to take, and it's quite a stretch to impose on cam from here - not to mention the unnecessary pollution.
[...]
Only 1 1/2 month of freedom left. In part looking forward to berlin life again.
[...]
Am a bit worried at the thought of all the women on Haina...


15 August, Haina


Cam (and Antoine) drove me all the way from Kassel to Haina. We had troubles finding Haina, and it took us nearly the whole afternoon to get there. I felt really bad about it - especially as they weren't allowed in the house, being males on a frauenbaustelle [women's construction week]. So I couldn't show them around, give them something to drink in the kitchen or anything. Me feeling double bad.

There are about 15-20 women on Haina, busy with wood, electricity, insulation. It's strange to walk around and see only women. Some very manly. It's destabilising, a little. So it's good that I'm here. A man cure. Necessary after all the flirting on the camp last week.

Yesterday evening was tango dancing. Enjoyable, though once again unsure how to act with and look at women. I wonder why it is that even at 27 I have no or little experience with women, in terms of interaction.

Had good chats with Cam during our 1 1/2 days together. He asked lots of questions on relationship and politics, and was interested by what I was into - nonviolent communication, consensus decision making - and issues he talks about with his right-wing catholic girlfriend - immigration, social rights. Usually, cam takes the opposite position to whomever he's talking to, which makes discussions relatively tiring - but this time he was really calm.

[...]
Haina is so different without its usual group. Only 3 of the women stayed - Karin, Sane and Gudrun. All the others, including all the children, left. I haven't found the entry key to this group of women.
[...]
--

Had two nice conversations this evening - with Ailke, a Gesellin (travelling handywoman), and with Gudrun. It was good - I needed to feel some exchange. Ailke has been travelling for a year and a half and described developments similar to what I'm starting to feel - developing a sense for one's gut feeling, learning to "hear" it, taking time to arrive in a place, learning to live with freiräume - freedom. The more I think of it, the less I want to go to Berlin - or rather: end my travels in october. Perhaps I want to go on a wanderschaft as a geselin too - I should talk with Ailke again and the others - learn how they started, what structures they are in. I wonder if they get any fix training in their area (carpentry etc) before they set off.
[...]
Chat with Gudrun made me think about the topic for my final thesis. If I do something on civil disobediance, I could have a theoretical / philosophical part (around the concept of leaglity, legitimacy, law, state of law, morality...) and to ensure I don't just write something compeltely dry, I could include a part on activists' perception of their own legitimacy - the basis for it. I'm not sure what exactly the interest for that could be, but it sounds re/la/tively feasible.


16 August

Lehmputz [mud walls?] all day, then yoga and an intense feeling of relaxation, interrupted by a plenum after dinner during which we all had to say when we were planning to leave - I didn't feel particularly comfortable because I hadn't really asked Gudrun and / or Karin what they thought of me staying on a little bit. It doesn't seem to be too problematic - especially as I've received the status of "friend of the house" - but all the same, I would have liked to discuss the plans in another setting.

Plenum among all the women. No use of the sign language, but not really necessary because each waited for the pervious to finish their turn, no one talked in between, people stayed on the topic. Unthinkable in France? Is this a German thing?

[...]
Funny to be surrounded by mostly travellers all of a sudden - all the gesellinen, Suse... Traveling as a way of life. [...] Being on the road. Somehow, that's how I pictured myself 10 years ago. I became sedentary in between, but really... I could be a long term traveler. which doesn't mean always being on the move, but staying months at a time in places.
Nomadic with kid(s)?


17 August

End of the Frauenbaustelle. We cleared the site and cleaned everything from 5om on, and most of us, some covered in mud - most, actually - showered. I dipped into the pool and swam alone before feeding the pigs with Tanja who looked somewhat sad that the 2 weeks were over. Learning to feed the pigs is useful. Something I can take over when I'm here again.
[...]
I don't know what I want for my next stop. I don't feel like going to Lübnitz, nor Karlshof. I need male presence and I need a cuddle option. I'm nearly considering going off to Vienna, but I don't think Striedl would be all that cool if I suddenly said I'm about to turn up on his doorstep. I'm once again all scattered - feeling I didn't close the French loop, should have stayed in France a little longer.
I feel like seeing something completely different.
Hm. Confusion in my thoughts. No clue what I want to do. I need to let them all sink in and sort themselves out.


18 August

am definitely not in gleichgewicht [balance]. Spent a long time yesterday evening writing an email to German speaking friends - and wondered what I had to tell, waht exactly the trip brought me so far. It suddenly felt like nothing - like I'd lost myself more than found. Once again my direction is missing. I don't know what I'm looking for and where to search.


19 August

Have sort of decided to go off to Anette's. Presents all sorts of disadvantages in terms of distance / logistics - especially for the return northwards.