interlude - two weeks back

typing out bits of my diary, i wonder what I can use from it for the blog. so many ellipses, unwritten events and thoughts. my writing was primarely a tool to help me clarify my thoughts when i had to come up with new decisions - and the whole diary is filled with 'today i decided to do this and that and go there' - and the next page the next day tells the exact opposite. Or is doubtful again. And then there are all the intimate parts i leave out - because i don't want to display intimacy - but at the same time, having these open, giving, intimate relations represents a big part of my trip too.
i've been back for two weeks. exactly two weeks. two weeks was a lot of time on the road, with whole worlds developping in between, unclear borders marked mainly by geographic changes. two weeks in the city - in spite of the hectic, in spite of all the projects, the opportunities and options offered by the city, in spite of seeing all the people i hadn't seen in months, and seeing the new people i got to know on surrounding farm-projects - in spite of all this: a sense of stagnation. most of all, the realisation that i'm letting old daily structures take control of my life and have to react, and react quick. sitting every day in front of the computer, spending so little time outside, giving up so many hours per week to a job against my desires. forgetting freedom - no no, there is no forgetting freedom. I'm going to move out of here, in december, at the latest in early january, find a much cheaper place, reduce costs, reduce work hours, change rhythm.
so many projects in mind - and the slow realisation that there's definitely not enough time for them all - various political campaigns, clowns' actions, developing photos, singing, writing my thesis, making interviews for my thesis, following one or two uni-seminars, preparing the article for the publication of last year's project paper, developing the non-commercial network further, working and learning at the bakery (to bake and distribute non commercial bread), developing direct contacts with farmers for my food co-op...
The city is so treacherous - makes me think it is possible to follow all these projects - just because the people are there, the infrastructure - but i end up hopping from appointment to appointment, hop hop hop, my diary - after four unwritten months - is scribbled all over again. And I try to be conscious of my time use and realise: next week for instance is planned out and NOTHING can be added to it. Monday to wednesday work, tuesday and wednesday evening uni, wednesday evening also either clowns meeting or food coop plenum, thursday to sunday on karlshof. joy, i will leave the city again.
So many people to meet in the city, for such superficial fleeting moments. I want a different way of meeting people. With more time, and more options for the continuations of conversations a few days later - no more than a few days.

a french guy moved into the flat above mine. he 'eeuuuuuuh's loudly and often.